I’m not a gambler by nature, but after winning $60 in the work pool for the world cup, I’m now a convert. I must gamble more! I’ve caught the gambling bug and I need another taste of that sweet victory nectar!
The only problem is… I don’t care for sports, I really couldn’t care less which big hairy men kick the ball more than the other hairy men. I say give them both a ball so they stop wasting their time fighting over it and they can get a real job.
So what then, can I gamble on? Let’s have a look what the internet has to offer a discerning gambler like myself:
First up is Stiffs.com. As the incredibly tasteful name implies, this is a website for gambling on deaths, Not just any deaths however, Celebrity deaths. Everyone loves celebrities, we like hearing about their babies, we enjoy being shocked by their outrageous scandals, so it stands to reason we will enjoy betting on when they are going to die. Now the rules are simple, select ten celebrities and rank them by how certain you are that they are going to die. They have to be a celebrity, if the Stiffs.com Fame Committee rule them “not famous enough” tough luck to you. This is a 12 month game, so generally, people are picking older and sicker celebrities (bless them.) The most important rule is, you can’t kill anyone to win, or make them sick, or scare them. Fair rule. So if you get lucky enough to guess correctly you win $3000! Sweet! I don’t know if this is the game for me though, I’m easily driven to evil plots and I can just see myself sending Myley Cyrus poisonous snakes hidden in bunches of flowers to win the money, hell I’m already half way considering doing that and there’s no money at all involved. So what else do we have?
If you’re like me and you’re a fan of reality television (don’t judge me, we’ve all got our secret shames) you can head on over to gamblerspalace.com and bet on such prestigious events as: “Who Will Win The Bachelorette?” “Who Will Win Dance Your Ass Off?” and of course “Who Will Win Top Chef DC?” Important questions to be answered. Put your money where your mouth is, you think Latoya is going to dance the most off her ass? Prove it, don’t just talk the talk bitch. This is my kind of gambling, but lets not get to settled on anything yet. The internet is a weird and twisted place, I must further explore my options.
If You’re more of a film buff than a reality tv show fan you can now make bets on the box office odds of movies opening the following weekend, check it out on bettersworld.com. I think this may not be ideal for me, as I get confused and over excited at the prospect of winning money on movies, if I’d known about this a few weeks ago I would probably have, over-thought it, giggled hysterically and bet $2000 on Marmaduke. It wouldn’t have been a wise bet.
Are you more of an intellectual? Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Have I offended you with my low brow gambling antics? How about, just for you we take a gamble on a gentlemen’s game, Chess. Ah yes, something I could bring up at dinner parties to make myself seem more intelligent and credible, all available at Chessgames.com.
So what will it be? What will I invest my precious money in? How about a mix of all of them? I bet that Myley Cyrus dies, while dancing her ass off, after winning a chess game against Viswanathan Anand and then the story is subsequently made into a high grossing film. Bam! That’s money in the bank baby!
Wish me luck. Myley is going down.