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In days gone by there were strict rules on how to conduct yourself in day-to-day life. There were rules on telephone etiquette, dinner etiquette, just about anything you could think of had strict social do’s and don’ts. These days we are left to our own devices and the results of this self-governing  are not always good.  Indulge me now, as I have come up with a simple social etiquette guide for Facebook.

Just because you’re in love, doesn’t mean we want to hear about it.

So you’ve met Mr/Miss right? Well congratulations my friend, we are all really happy for you. When you change that relationship status you can expect many well wishers to comment and express how happy they are for you. That’s lovely. If, however, you decide to bombard your friends with syrupy status updates about how much you “wuv” your little “Bubby” you should not be surprised when these well wishers start to disappear along with half of your friends list. Keep your pet names to yourself, and more importantly keep your physical relationship in the bedroom, there is nothing more off-putting than reading about other people’s sex lives on their status updates.

IF U R OVA THA AGE OF 12, DONT TYPE LYKE DIS.

If you choose to write like an illiterate moron you will be treated as such. enough said.

Just because you’re not in love anymore doesn’t mean we want to hear about it.

So Mr/Miss Right turned out wrong, oh well, that sucks. It’s always a little embarrassing changing that relationship status knowing that plastered all over everyone’s news feed is “insert name is now single” well, unfortunately it happens, and the best thing you can do is suck it up, move on and handle the situation gracefully.  The worst thing you can do is trash your Ex in your status updates, no one needs to know that he’s “scum” or that he tried to sleep with your sister. That stuff is private, don’t put it into the public domain. Another common mistake people make is the over changing of the relationship status. If you’re in a relationship and you want to put that as your status, good for you. If you break up and you then want to change that status, ok, do it. What you shouldn’t do is change it hourly while you are in the midst of a fight with your partner, that just makes you look immature and irritates your friends.

Keep your squabbles to yourself.

Your best friend borrowed your favourite shirt and lost it? What a bitch, I’m with you, give that girl a slap. Your bro owes you money and he’s just bought himself a new watch? Show that jerk whose boss! What you shouldn’t do, if you value your dignity is write about it on Facebook. Those horrible status updates where you are writing about someone without mentioning names are the worst. They make you look petty and all they serve to do is get the gossiping girls talking. If you’re pissed off at a friend, call them, talk to them in person and express your annoyance, at the very least, send them an email. Don’t involve everyone else.

Keep it appropriate

If you’ve got your boss on your friends list maybe photos of you chugging beers aren’t the best idea. If your elderly relatives might be offended by some of your antics, either keep them to yourself or make them private from particular people.

Get over high school

There is nothing sadder than someone adding people on Facebook only to start harassing them about high school. Getting bullied in high school sucks, but you know what? That was a long time ago. Move on, chances are everyone else has and you’ll just make yourself look pathetic if you’re still holding on to old grudges.

Keep your clothes on

Does the world really need to see you slutting it up in your underwear? Probably not. Are you actually attractive enough to be exposing yourself in such a way? Honestly? Probably not. Keep your boudoir pics in the boudoir.

Stop poking me.

I’m over the poke people. I never really understood what it’s function was. If you poked me in real life I would find it annoying, if you cyber poke me I respond in the same way.

Be kind when you’re tagging photos

We’ve all done it, tagged people in photos that we would never like ourselves to be tagged in. Horrible drunken half closed eyes photos. Follow the golden rule here and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Be kind with your tagging, or others may not be kind to you.

Don’t be a sad sack, it’s dull.

I know your leg hurts, I know you’re not feeling well. I get that you’re sad and life generally sucks. If that’s all you write about however, if you start everyday by writing a complaining status update, you’re in danger of becoming extremely boring. Talk to a friend, talk to a doctor, call your mum, stop whinging on Facebook.

Follow these simple rules and keep your facebooking a fun and entertaining experience. Be good to each other my friends.

The lesson is finished. Please remain seated until the bell rings.

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