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Archive for September, 2010

Are You A Rageaholic?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think that as technology advances, and things become more and more convenient for us, our patience has become shorter. As patience decreases, frustration increases, and this can lead to anger.

Just what is an acceptable level of anger? What is it ok to get a bit angry about? Here is a list of things that have made me angry today:

1. I missed the train in the morning by like 30 seconds because the traffic lights across the road from the station take forever to change.

2. Whilst on the extremely overcrowded train, a man pushed by me unexpectedly, forcing me to step backwards. I heard a “yelping” sound behind me and realized I had stepped on a woman’s foot. I removed to my head phones and said “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that, I guess the train is just a bit crowded”  The woman glared at me and made a “Humph!” sort of noise. I hated her immediately, and I wished she would develop a gangrenous foot. How dare she not accept my heart-felt apology for something I had done accidentally!

3. A woman made a big show of fake coughing and waving as I lit up a cigarette, even though I was smoking outdoors, in fucking public space.

Keep in mind that it is only nine in the morning now, that’s a lot of anger for one morning.

Was I justified in my anger? If you look at the flip side, that woman on the train was pissed off because some bitch stepped on her foot, and another lady had smoke blown in her face. Were they justified in their anger?

If you google rageaholics you will quickly come across the Rageaholics Anonymous website, on this website there is an “Anger Self Assessment Test.”

I took the test (you should try it) and according to the test, I’m a rageaholic, as Homer Simpson once said “I am addicted to rageahol.”

Now I was a little taken aback to discover my new-found rageaholic status, but before I ran off to find my nearest Rageaholics Anonymous meeting and share my thoughts and bile, I had a close look at the questions in the test.

Who the hell could pass this test? I believe if the Dalai Lama took this test he’d have a hard time passing it. Questions like:

“I hate lines, and I especially hate waiting in line.”

Who the hell likes waiting in line? Who is going to say “I love lines, I sometimes line up in them just for the experience rather than to get to the front.”

What about this gem: “When someone says or does something that upsets me, I don’t usually say anything at the time, but later I spend a lot of time thinking of cutting replies I could and should have made.”

Come on! Everybody does that, and if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Constructing the perfect imaginary quip is a healthy thing to do, it helps you to vent some of that frustration you had at being to cowardly to say anything to the person in the first place.

My question is this? If this test had been taken twenty or thirty years ago, would I have been classified a “Rageaholic,” have the conveniences of modern life really made us lose all of our patience? What if I lived in the country instead of the city? Would I still need that sweet sweet rageahol to survive?

Or is it that we are all angry, anger and rage of course are part of the human condition. Anger is an involuntary feeling, that happens to us when we feel trespassed against in some way, and unless you live on a desert island, you will come across it fairly regularly. the trick to anger is how you respond to it, it’s certainly not healthy if you respond to a rude comment by a stranger by glassing them in the face with a bottle, but I think a sarcastic snort would be appropriate.

Rageaholics of the world unite, I will continue to think of witty quips that I should have said after the fact. I will continue to hate waiting in line and secretly wish that the people ahead of me would collapse so I wouldn’t have to wait so long. I will continue to snarl and snark and patronize and be sarcastic and cause others to fall into awkward silences at dinner parties. For if rageahol truly does make me who I am, then I will wear my rageaholic badge with pride, long live anger and its destructive benefits to us all!

 





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Child Beauty Pageants, Harmless Fun? Or Vomit-Inducing Child Abuse?

Miss Universe has just finished, little girls the world over watch these freakishly tall skinny giraffe women and think to themselves “I want to be like that girl!”

For a lot of little girls and more importantly, parents of little girls around the world, the road to miss universe starts with a child beauty pageant, and now us Australians can join in. Melbourne hosted our first American style child beauty pageant where little girls and boys between 0 and13 can compete to be crowned little Miss/Mister Bayside, that’s right, there are tiaras involved.

The pageant, which costs $100 to enter, will judge the girls and boys on modelling, talent, how they photograph and answers to a series of questions. Organisers of the Pageant insist it will not be “over the top” like US versions where pre-schoolers are plastered with fake tan, make-up and big hair, but a quick google search of “Little Miss Bayside” brings you to the kidspot website which has the details of the pageant anda photo showing two very young girls in swimming costumes plastered with make up and smiling like there lives depended on it. The pageant organisers may claim that the competition is merely for fun, but things quickly get out of hand.

When children are that young, their personalities are still forming, their sense of identity and self-esteem are still being built. Family psychologist Andrew Fuller said pageants could lead to competition, anxiety and embarrassment.

“This is a good recipe for how to predispose your daughter into having an eating disorder,” he said.

“The risk is that they suddenly fear that their body shape is more important than their intellect.”

Five year old girls should not have to worry about whether they are “too fat” or how they compare to the beauty of other girls.  There is enough undue, exaggerated focus on superficial beauty in this culture without children being pitted against each other in a contest of looks.

There are so many things about these pageants that just don’t sit right with me, children and toddlers with make up plastered over there faces, hair sprayed to the point it wouldn’t move in a hurricane  it’s all just a bit… bizarre and disturbing. 

These freakshows are not cheap either, according to the Pageant News Bureau the pursuit of a title and a tiara has grown into a $5 billion-a-year industry in America. An estimated 3,000 pageants draw 250,000 entrants a year, and parents spend thousands of dollars on pageants. Some want their children to gain extra poise; others hope that their children will become the next supermodel or a movie star. You can even hire yourself a pageant coach, that little “neccesity” could cost you up to $1000 a day.  Not to mention wardrobe consultants, physical fitness trainers, speech coaches, voice coaches, etiquette lessons, salon services, talent coaches, resume writing, tanning, evening gown, rehearsal attire, bathing suits, opening-number outfit, interview suit, talent costume, accessories, and many, many more things. It is entirely possible to spend upwards of $100,000 dollars to get a little girl ready for one national contest.

Of course, anybody associated with these pageants is quick to jump to their defense, apparently these competitions teach children “poise” and “confidence.”  That’s right, because nothing brings a little girl confidence like being compared unfavorably to other little girls. Lets cut the bullshit here, becuase for all their cries of “poise and confidence” these competition are called “Beauty pageants” not “Poise and confidence pageants.”

Don’t do it Australia, lets nip this thing in the bud and say no more pageants, don’t exploit your children to live out your own failed dreams. Let children be children, let them enjoy their lives without pressure and dissapointment.

Having said that, it does make for awesome reality televion.

10 Of The Worst Costume Ideas Ever

Costume parties can be great fun, a creative way to breathe new life into a party with the same old people. However, no matter what theme you pick, there will always be someone who doesn’t quite get it, who ends up with a costume that seems a little… Off.
Browsing around the interweb I compiled this list of the ten worst costumes I could find.
Consider this a “What Not To Do” list.

The Half Assed Costume

If you’re going to wear a costume, go all out or don’t go at all. There is nothing lamer than someone whacking on a bit of their wife’s make-up and calling it a Joker costume. You’ll have more fun if you put in the effort, or if you really are that lazy, just don’t bother wearing a costume, you’ll get more respect in your ordinary clothes than you would in your lame attempt costume.

The Bad Taste Costume

Now, I’m a fan of the bad taste costumes, for the most part they can be a vaguely offensive way to have a few laughs, however, the above costume, is supposed to be a  Virginia Tech shooting victim, it is being worn by a Penn State student, a nearby college,  and I think we can all agree this dude has gone too far. For those of you who don’t remember the Virginia Tech massacre was a school shooting that took place on Monday, April 16, 2007 on the campus of Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. This guy and a few of his friends decided it would be funny to dress up like shooting victims, they had thought they were attending a party with a few friends and that the costume wouldn’t be shared with many people, of course, these morons forgot about facebook. Once the photos showed up online they spread like wild-fire, resulting in hate groups being formed on facebook and death threats against the students. Sometimes the mildly funny shock humour gained from a controversial costume is not worth the risk, in these days of social networking, don’t ever forget, nothing stays private for long.

When Pets Get Dragged Into Things

When you dress like an idiot, that’s your choice, when you dress your dog up like an idiot, that’s just cruel. This poor dog has no choice in this situation, did he want to wear a Yoda costume? Maybe,  But there’s no way of telling. Keep your costumes for those who can consent to wearing them. Try to keep this in mind, actually Do or do notthere is no try…

When Babies Get Dragged Into Things

Pretty much the same rules as above, if they can’t consent, don’t shove them in a costume that is going to mortify them for years, having said that, this costume is freaking awesome.

Know Your Own Physical Limitations, Lycra May Not Be Your Friend.

 If you are aware that you’re a fatty, and you just want to wear a costume like this for a laugh, go ahead pal, but be ready for the merciless mocking that comes with it. If you are over 100 kgs, and you think you can pull off a look like this, you are wrong, and anyone who tells you otherwise is not your friend.

 The WTF Costume

 You know what? I have nothing bad to say about this costume. Best costume ever, I advise you to wear it.

The “Clever” Costume

Nothing is more annoying than some smart-ass in a “clever” costume, the above costume is supposed to be static cling by the way. Clever huh? Just makes you want to punch a nerd.

 

The Gross Out Costume

A costume like this is not going to win you any friends, and may come back to haunt you when you’re applying for your dream job in the future, plus, it’s seriously gross. If you come up with a costume idea like this, you may need to consider seeking psychiatric help.

 

The Slutty Costume

Unfortunately, lots of girls use costume parties as a way to dress like a hooker without being judged. Fine, if that’s what you need to do to be happy, do it, however if you and your friends need to take things to this kind of extreme sluttiness, you may have some self-esteem issues to deal with, hooker clothes won’t bring you love sweetheart, and they definitely won’t bring you respect.

 

 

The Sexual Innuendo Costume

 

Nothing screams desperate more than a costume like this. This guy clearly hasn’t been laid in a while, (if ever) and  with a costume like this, let’s face it, he may never get laid again.

 

 

So good luck out there party goers, wear your awesome costume with pride, let your freak flag fly, just try to keep things dignified, if only for your mother’s sake.