Just another WordPress.com site

Revenge, Is It Worth It?

Historically, there are two schools of thought on revenge. The Bible, in Exodus 21:23, instructs us to “give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” to punish an offender. Then, more than 2,000 years later, Martin Luther King Jr., responded, “The old law of ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind.”

Who’s right? I think it’s possible that both theories have some merit, while exacting revenge may make you feel as if you have taken back some control or power in a hopeless situation, revenge comes at a price. Instead of helping you move on with your life, it can leave you dwelling on the situation and remaining unhappy. Considering revenge is a very human response to feeling slighted, humans are atrocious at predicting its effects.

When Revenge Goes Wrong

While wanting revenge at someone who has slighted you may be a knee-jerk reaction, it is sometimes best to take the time to think about the possible consequences of your actions. Take Marie Lupe Cooley ( 41, of Jacksonville, Fla.) When Marie saw a help-wanted ad in the newspaper for a position that looked suspiciously like her current job — and with her boss’s phone number listed — she assumed she was about to be fired.

So,  she went to the architectural office where she works late Sunday night and erased 7 years’ worth of drawings and blueprints, estimated to be worth $2.5 million.

It didn’t take Steven Hutchins, owner of the architectural firm that bears his name, much time to figure out who’d done it — Cooley was the only other person who had full access to the files. Police arrested Cooley Monday evening and charged her with causing greater than $1,000 damage to computer files, a felony. She was bailed out the following afternoon.As for the job, Cooley originally wasn’t in danger of losing it. The ad was for Hutchins’ wife’s company.

Whoops. So Marie pretty much went and fucked everything up, all because she jumped to conclusions and sought out vengeance without taking time to think things through. Think it through people! Figure out whether or not it is worth it to you.

When It’s Not Worth It

It’s not worth it if taking that revenge is going to hurt you as much as it hurts them. It’s not worth it if it’s aimed at someone you still care about, because deep down, you’re going to regret it. It’s not worth it if the revenge means that you continue to dwell on the person or situation that brought you to wanting revenge. If plotting revenge is stopping you from moving on and getting some closure from the situation, it’s not worth it. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is move on, continue being awesome and forget about it. That other person is already fucked, they have to wake up every day and be themselves, they have to live their lame life. You get to wake up and be you! You’re fabulous! (I love your hair like that by the way.)

When It Is Worth It

When you’re dealing with a situation or a person that has left you feeling completely impotent, revenge can be a way to take some power back for yourself.  Will signing your cheating ex up for various charity and telemarketing lists solve all your problems? No, but it might make you feel a little bit better knowing that at least you’ve done something to release some pain, it may not be the healthiest thing, but at least it’s something.

To summarize, I’m not going to be one of those people who says “revenge is never worth it.”  I think that vengeance has its merits, (I’m a fan of it myself, so I advise you never to cross me bitches) The only advice I’m going to give on the matter is think before you act, is your form of revenge going to come back and bite you in the arse? It’s not worth going to jail just to get back at someone who has wronged you. Like the saying goes, the best form of revenge is leading a good life, (just make sure you have that person on your Facebook friends list so that they are forced to see how awesome your life is).

Until next time gentle reader, peace out and stay rad.

Facebook is a great way to express yourself. It’s a great way to make new friends and connect with old friends (and rub your awesome life in their faces) Facebook is a useful tool indeed, but have you ever stopped to think about how you may be coming across? What first impressions you may be making? Something as simple as your profile picture can speak volumes about you. Lets have a look at some different types of Facebook profile photos and see how they come across to other people.

 

The Duck-face

The duck face is a well documented phenomenon, seemingly sane and normal human beings will be smiling away with their natural beautiful smiles until… The camera comes out. The minute the humans with their fragile egos and false bravado see that camera they all suddenly begin to make and identical face. They purse their lips together and stick them out, they also widen their eyes to an unnatural level, they may also slightly tilt their heads. The result is a ridiculous caricature of a human face. So why do we do it? Because it looks sexy, duh!

The duck-face is an extremely common Facebook profile picture, but what is it saying about you?

Whenever I see this face, my first instinct is to think, get some confidence! Be proud of your face, work with what you got baby! Always present your best face to the world, and your duckface isn’t it. For more information on the duck-face epidemic visit Antiduckface.com.

The Myspace 

The MySpace shot is a self-portrait. This photo is taken by holding a camera at arms length above your head and looking up at the camera. This type of photo was made popular during the rise of MySpace and continues to be a Facebook standard, especially among teenage girls. This type of photo is used mainly by women because it is a good way to showcase your best features (eg. your eyes and hair) and it allows you to hide the parts of yourself you may be less willing to show off (eg your body.) This shot says to me “I’m 17 and this is the sexiest picture my parents will let me put online” There is no excuse to have this photo as an adult.

 The Arty shot

The arty shot is a good way to showcase your personality as well as your physical appearance, it’s a way to say “I am above the superficial need to look pretty, I am an intellectual.”  Popular amongst hip young urbanites in their twenties, the arty shot is a regular in Facebook profile shots. This type of profile picture comes in handy for one thing, keeping people like me away from you. The minute I see someone using a shot like this for their profile the pretentious warning bells start going off in my head. I can quickly see that this is the type of person that only drinks coffee that has “passed through” various rare animals and listens to avant-garde music. If you come across this type of person,  in the immortal words of Iron Maiden “Run for your life!”

The Inanimate Object

The inanimate object shot is a picture of anything, could be a car, could be a tree, but it ain’t you. These photos are popular because you can use them to show people things that you like, things that you might believe represent a part of your personality, or it might just be that you seriously don’t have any photos of yourself to upload (highly unlikely.) When I see these types of profile pictures, I generally think “come now sweetheart, show the world your pretty face” (imagine me saying that in a overprotective mother voice.) The inanimate object picture is an easy way to hide a face or a body you may be insecure about, but you shouldn’t be afraid. This is the internet baby! Let your freak flag fly!

The Group Shot

The group shot is a photo of you and your buddies, hanging out, being and looking fabulous. A very popular Facebook profile picture, because, come on! What’s cooler than your entourage? the use of the group shot can vary greatly, are you the party girl sticking her head in on the left there? Or are you the dude behind the umbrella who can’t be seen? People use the group shots for different reasons, either to stand out, or to fade into the background. I see the group shot as a nice way to show the world a bit about your life and your hobbies, however if you are the guy behind the umbrella, use a different picture.

The Joke Shot

The joke shot doesn’t have to be a photo, it could be text (as above.) It’s some hilarious and quick visual joke you can use to show the world what a crack up you are! Picture disabled because he’s too good-looking?! Hahahahaha! That is too much! That is genius comedy, that guy needs his own sitcom! People who use the joke shot are also the same kind of people who wear tee shirts with funny slogans (I lost my number, can I have yours? Hahahahahaha) These people are the worst people in the world. I would literally rather spend time with a conservative christian who doesn’t believe in evolution than hang out with the kind of person who thinks joke tee shirts are funny. Having said that the joke profile shot is a good way of identifying these people so that they can be avoided, so I encourage you to continue.  

The “Me As A Baby” Photo

 Aaaaaaw, how cute! you’ve used a picture of yourself as a baby for your profile picture! It’s even cuter because you’re not a baby! You’re an adult! Aaaaaaaaw.  This is an odd one, but I’ve seen it around more than once, fully grown adults using a picture of themselves as babies or children on their profile picture. Why? I think it’s a combination of things, partially I think it’s an ego thing. you’re so into yourself that you think other people will get enjoy your old photos as much as you do. I also think it may be a way to reclaim the glory days for some people, ah childhood, it was all downhill from there.

 

My Kids! My Husband!

If you’re married and/or have kids, chances are you’ve got a profile picture that reflects your status as a family man/woman.  Maybe you’ve got the photo from your wedding day, maybe it’s junior’s gap toothed smile, either way, you’re showing that you aren’t just an individual anymore, you’re part of a family unit. Photo’s like these may show that you are a loving mother/father/wife/husband, but try mixing it up every now and then. Don’t let your public image become two-dimensional. People will be more interested in a multi-faceted well-rounded human being than they will with “super mummy.”  

My pets!

Ok, the pet shot. This shot is similar to the kids shot, but much, much worse.  A lot of people use pictures of their beloved pets as a way to express their undying affection to the animal. If you’re using a  picture of your cat as your profile picture, it might be time to start thinking about having a baby. Don’t get me started on the people who make separate profiles for their pets, no I will not be friends with your dog!

The Drunk Shot

The drunk shot, one of the most popular choices for profile pictures amongst young people (and sad older people.) This photo is a way to show how much fun you are, and how much fun you’re having! You’re not a stuck up snob, or some nerdy loser. You’re cool, you’re awesome. Shots like these may seem awesome now, but consider how they may affect you later on in life, down the line when you’re applying for that high paying job with the conservative company, you may wish you had appeared less “awesome.”

Are You A Rageaholic?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think that as technology advances, and things become more and more convenient for us, our patience has become shorter. As patience decreases, frustration increases, and this can lead to anger.

Just what is an acceptable level of anger? What is it ok to get a bit angry about? Here is a list of things that have made me angry today:

1. I missed the train in the morning by like 30 seconds because the traffic lights across the road from the station take forever to change.

2. Whilst on the extremely overcrowded train, a man pushed by me unexpectedly, forcing me to step backwards. I heard a “yelping” sound behind me and realized I had stepped on a woman’s foot. I removed to my head phones and said “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that, I guess the train is just a bit crowded”  The woman glared at me and made a “Humph!” sort of noise. I hated her immediately, and I wished she would develop a gangrenous foot. How dare she not accept my heart-felt apology for something I had done accidentally!

3. A woman made a big show of fake coughing and waving as I lit up a cigarette, even though I was smoking outdoors, in fucking public space.

Keep in mind that it is only nine in the morning now, that’s a lot of anger for one morning.

Was I justified in my anger? If you look at the flip side, that woman on the train was pissed off because some bitch stepped on her foot, and another lady had smoke blown in her face. Were they justified in their anger?

If you google rageaholics you will quickly come across the Rageaholics Anonymous website, on this website there is an “Anger Self Assessment Test.”

I took the test (you should try it) and according to the test, I’m a rageaholic, as Homer Simpson once said “I am addicted to rageahol.”

Now I was a little taken aback to discover my new-found rageaholic status, but before I ran off to find my nearest Rageaholics Anonymous meeting and share my thoughts and bile, I had a close look at the questions in the test.

Who the hell could pass this test? I believe if the Dalai Lama took this test he’d have a hard time passing it. Questions like:

“I hate lines, and I especially hate waiting in line.”

Who the hell likes waiting in line? Who is going to say “I love lines, I sometimes line up in them just for the experience rather than to get to the front.”

What about this gem: “When someone says or does something that upsets me, I don’t usually say anything at the time, but later I spend a lot of time thinking of cutting replies I could and should have made.”

Come on! Everybody does that, and if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Constructing the perfect imaginary quip is a healthy thing to do, it helps you to vent some of that frustration you had at being to cowardly to say anything to the person in the first place.

My question is this? If this test had been taken twenty or thirty years ago, would I have been classified a “Rageaholic,” have the conveniences of modern life really made us lose all of our patience? What if I lived in the country instead of the city? Would I still need that sweet sweet rageahol to survive?

Or is it that we are all angry, anger and rage of course are part of the human condition. Anger is an involuntary feeling, that happens to us when we feel trespassed against in some way, and unless you live on a desert island, you will come across it fairly regularly. the trick to anger is how you respond to it, it’s certainly not healthy if you respond to a rude comment by a stranger by glassing them in the face with a bottle, but I think a sarcastic snort would be appropriate.

Rageaholics of the world unite, I will continue to think of witty quips that I should have said after the fact. I will continue to hate waiting in line and secretly wish that the people ahead of me would collapse so I wouldn’t have to wait so long. I will continue to snarl and snark and patronize and be sarcastic and cause others to fall into awkward silences at dinner parties. For if rageahol truly does make me who I am, then I will wear my rageaholic badge with pride, long live anger and its destructive benefits to us all!

 





Miss Universe has just finished, little girls the world over watch these freakishly tall skinny giraffe women and think to themselves “I want to be like that girl!”

For a lot of little girls and more importantly, parents of little girls around the world, the road to miss universe starts with a child beauty pageant, and now us Australians can join in. Melbourne hosted our first American style child beauty pageant where little girls and boys between 0 and13 can compete to be crowned little Miss/Mister Bayside, that’s right, there are tiaras involved.

The pageant, which costs $100 to enter, will judge the girls and boys on modelling, talent, how they photograph and answers to a series of questions. Organisers of the Pageant insist it will not be “over the top” like US versions where pre-schoolers are plastered with fake tan, make-up and big hair, but a quick google search of “Little Miss Bayside” brings you to the kidspot website which has the details of the pageant anda photo showing two very young girls in swimming costumes plastered with make up and smiling like there lives depended on it. The pageant organisers may claim that the competition is merely for fun, but things quickly get out of hand.

When children are that young, their personalities are still forming, their sense of identity and self-esteem are still being built. Family psychologist Andrew Fuller said pageants could lead to competition, anxiety and embarrassment.

“This is a good recipe for how to predispose your daughter into having an eating disorder,” he said.

“The risk is that they suddenly fear that their body shape is more important than their intellect.”

Five year old girls should not have to worry about whether they are “too fat” or how they compare to the beauty of other girls.  There is enough undue, exaggerated focus on superficial beauty in this culture without children being pitted against each other in a contest of looks.

There are so many things about these pageants that just don’t sit right with me, children and toddlers with make up plastered over there faces, hair sprayed to the point it wouldn’t move in a hurricane  it’s all just a bit… bizarre and disturbing. 

These freakshows are not cheap either, according to the Pageant News Bureau the pursuit of a title and a tiara has grown into a $5 billion-a-year industry in America. An estimated 3,000 pageants draw 250,000 entrants a year, and parents spend thousands of dollars on pageants. Some want their children to gain extra poise; others hope that their children will become the next supermodel or a movie star. You can even hire yourself a pageant coach, that little “neccesity” could cost you up to $1000 a day.  Not to mention wardrobe consultants, physical fitness trainers, speech coaches, voice coaches, etiquette lessons, salon services, talent coaches, resume writing, tanning, evening gown, rehearsal attire, bathing suits, opening-number outfit, interview suit, talent costume, accessories, and many, many more things. It is entirely possible to spend upwards of $100,000 dollars to get a little girl ready for one national contest.

Of course, anybody associated with these pageants is quick to jump to their defense, apparently these competitions teach children “poise” and “confidence.”  That’s right, because nothing brings a little girl confidence like being compared unfavorably to other little girls. Lets cut the bullshit here, becuase for all their cries of “poise and confidence” these competition are called “Beauty pageants” not “Poise and confidence pageants.”

Don’t do it Australia, lets nip this thing in the bud and say no more pageants, don’t exploit your children to live out your own failed dreams. Let children be children, let them enjoy their lives without pressure and dissapointment.

Having said that, it does make for awesome reality televion.

Costume parties can be great fun, a creative way to breathe new life into a party with the same old people. However, no matter what theme you pick, there will always be someone who doesn’t quite get it, who ends up with a costume that seems a little… Off.
Browsing around the interweb I compiled this list of the ten worst costumes I could find.
Consider this a “What Not To Do” list.

The Half Assed Costume

If you’re going to wear a costume, go all out or don’t go at all. There is nothing lamer than someone whacking on a bit of their wife’s make-up and calling it a Joker costume. You’ll have more fun if you put in the effort, or if you really are that lazy, just don’t bother wearing a costume, you’ll get more respect in your ordinary clothes than you would in your lame attempt costume.

The Bad Taste Costume

Now, I’m a fan of the bad taste costumes, for the most part they can be a vaguely offensive way to have a few laughs, however, the above costume, is supposed to be a  Virginia Tech shooting victim, it is being worn by a Penn State student, a nearby college,  and I think we can all agree this dude has gone too far. For those of you who don’t remember the Virginia Tech massacre was a school shooting that took place on Monday, April 16, 2007 on the campus of Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. This guy and a few of his friends decided it would be funny to dress up like shooting victims, they had thought they were attending a party with a few friends and that the costume wouldn’t be shared with many people, of course, these morons forgot about facebook. Once the photos showed up online they spread like wild-fire, resulting in hate groups being formed on facebook and death threats against the students. Sometimes the mildly funny shock humour gained from a controversial costume is not worth the risk, in these days of social networking, don’t ever forget, nothing stays private for long.

When Pets Get Dragged Into Things

When you dress like an idiot, that’s your choice, when you dress your dog up like an idiot, that’s just cruel. This poor dog has no choice in this situation, did he want to wear a Yoda costume? Maybe,  But there’s no way of telling. Keep your costumes for those who can consent to wearing them. Try to keep this in mind, actually Do or do notthere is no try…

When Babies Get Dragged Into Things

Pretty much the same rules as above, if they can’t consent, don’t shove them in a costume that is going to mortify them for years, having said that, this costume is freaking awesome.

Know Your Own Physical Limitations, Lycra May Not Be Your Friend.

 If you are aware that you’re a fatty, and you just want to wear a costume like this for a laugh, go ahead pal, but be ready for the merciless mocking that comes with it. If you are over 100 kgs, and you think you can pull off a look like this, you are wrong, and anyone who tells you otherwise is not your friend.

 The WTF Costume

 You know what? I have nothing bad to say about this costume. Best costume ever, I advise you to wear it.

The “Clever” Costume

Nothing is more annoying than some smart-ass in a “clever” costume, the above costume is supposed to be static cling by the way. Clever huh? Just makes you want to punch a nerd.

 

The Gross Out Costume

A costume like this is not going to win you any friends, and may come back to haunt you when you’re applying for your dream job in the future, plus, it’s seriously gross. If you come up with a costume idea like this, you may need to consider seeking psychiatric help.

 

The Slutty Costume

Unfortunately, lots of girls use costume parties as a way to dress like a hooker without being judged. Fine, if that’s what you need to do to be happy, do it, however if you and your friends need to take things to this kind of extreme sluttiness, you may have some self-esteem issues to deal with, hooker clothes won’t bring you love sweetheart, and they definitely won’t bring you respect.

 

 

The Sexual Innuendo Costume

 

Nothing screams desperate more than a costume like this. This guy clearly hasn’t been laid in a while, (if ever) and  with a costume like this, let’s face it, he may never get laid again.

 

 

So good luck out there party goers, wear your awesome costume with pride, let your freak flag fly, just try to keep things dignified, if only for your mother’s sake.

Today, I Am A Maverick.

Today, as I approached the traffic lights near the train station I saw that they had just changed, that the little green man had disappeared and the little red flashing man, (who was taunts and teases “come on! You’ve almost made it!”) had just turned into a still and stubborn red man, whose blank inanimate face spells defeat.

I stood and watched as the last of the pedestrians who were just slightly quicker than me finished crossing the road, if only I had been a few seconds faster, I would have been one of them, secure in the herd, I thought to myself. These lights were particularly long, and I could see the train station across the road, so close and yet so far, the lights were still red, but a mad dash across the road now would get me securely onto my train and off to work on time, if only I had the guts to do it. I battled with the decision, this was split second thinking, I had only the most limited time if I was going to make the attempt at crossing the road. No, I wouldn’t, I would wait. I was not going to risk my life, or more importantly possible social embarrassment by breaking the pedestrian code.

I was content in my decision, until… Who was that? That girl, walking with such confidence one might expect her to be the star of some kind of female empowering medical drama. She walked right by me, paused, for only a second before striding out into the road, crossing the street without any problems, just making it to the other side as the traffic started to move forward.

I was shamed, left standing there like a fool. Because of my own fear, because of my insistence on adhering to societies rules, I was left waiting for the lights to complete their cycle once more. That girl who crossed, she was a maverick, she did things her way, screw traffic convention, screw pedestrian protocol. I was envious of that girl, I wanted to be that girl, and today I have decided, I will be that girl. Today, I become a maverick.   

When I eventually boarded the train, I saw everything with new eyes. There was only one seat left, a small gap between two people in the middle of a three person seater. The old me would never have disturbed these two people by attempting to squeeze in between them. It would have been rude and embarrassing, indeed there were already two or three people standing, glancing wistfully at the seat, nobody game enough to do anything about it. Normally I would have been one of those people, but not today. Today I focused on that seat, I strode purposefully towards it and as I locked into eye contact with the man on the edge of the seat I said in a loud clear voice “Excuse me” I squeezed past him and slid victoriously into the seat (which if I’m honest, was not quite big enough for me to sit in comfortably.) As I glanced around the carriage I saw the looks in people’s eyes, I could tell they were thinking, “Who is this girl? Where did she come from? ” I turned and looked at one woman who was staring at me, I shot her what I considered to be a wry smile, she turned away awkwardly. In hindsight, it may have come across more creepy than wry.

From then on I was  unstoppable, when I ordered my lunch, the woman mistakenly put butter onto my sandwich despite me having asked her not to do so. I spoke up, I informed her that I did not want butter, and I felt only the mildest hint of guilt as she was forced to begin my sandwich again.

I spoke up, I didn’t play by anybody’s rules, pedestrian protocol was a thing of the past. If you answer your phone on the train in front of me, get ready for a stern throat clearing. I was drunk on my new freedom, I was out of control, in many ways, I was unrecognizable, even to myself.

It was as I reprimanded someone for cutting in line and was given a steady stream of abuse in reply, that I realised I had gone too far, I couldn’t live this way. Being this kind of radical maverick was too tiring. I had to stop.

Although It was a difficult change, I gave up my new-found maverick status, I retired my out there attitude, and I transformed back into the mild-mannered girl I always was, although my mark on the world was a small one, at least I tried, at least I can hold my head up high, knowing that I gave it my all, and as I wait for the traffic light this afternoon, my disappointment may be dulled by the next maverick that steps out into traffic getting run down by a car.

schmooze or schmoose also shmooze (shmz) Slang
v. schmoozed or schmoosed also shmoozed, schmooz·ing or schmoos·ing also shmooz·ing, schmooz·es or schmoos·es also shmooz·es
v.intr.
To converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.

There are some situations in life where you might find yourself stuck with an intellectual, I’m sorry. I’m going to help you get through this. The following is a guide to schmoozing three different types of intellectuals so that they can later be used  for your own benefit (possibly in some sort of evil scheme)

Please note that I use the word “intellectual” loosely in this context, and that most of the following sub groups consider themselves intellectual rather than others thinking of them that way. Let’s begin:

Elitist Hipster Douchebags

 

The Elitist Hipster Douchebag is unfortunately not a rare animal, it is likely that you will come across one from time to time, they are recognizable from their “ironic” fashion statements, their carefully styled hair and their “I don’t give a fuck attitude.”

Do’s:

– Be apathetic. Enthusiasm is not your friend when dealing with a hipster, any point made with enthusiasm and passion is likely to be ignored or subtly mocked.

– Make up things. The hipsters will likely try to throw you off with their elitism, they get a sexual thrill from being into things that are not mainstream. If they mention a band and you haven’t heard of them, that validates them as “different and cool.” What you’ll need to do to gain the respect of these idiots, is to make up a band, just take any two random words and throw them together (the more random the better) for example: “I’m really into the Bike Feather’s at the moment.” The Hipster will not wish to appear out of the loop and will likely just nod and say something like “I think I’ve heard of them.” Make sure you mention that the band is very underground, and that they nobody has heard of them. As soon as the Hipster has a chance he/she will google your made up band, when he/she is unable to find anything on the band, you will earn their grudging respect. 

– Remember everything you do wrong can be passed off as “ironic.” If you sense that you have made a faux pas, simply laugh and claim that what you were doing was merely a joke, act as if any one who doesn’t find this amusing is an idiot. Think of the old “Emperor has no clothes” fable and you’ll see what I’m getting at.

Don’ts:

– Don’t be too specific. Hipster’s may like to pretend they are heavily involved with things like politics, but when it comes down to it they are lacking in much specific knowledge in the area. Bringing up specific political issues may make them look foolish and put them into an attack stance.

– Don’t introduce any new restaurants, films, countries, cities etc that have not already been mentioned by the hipster. Mentioning things that have not already been touched upon by your hipster pal puts you at risk of mocking. Hipster’s like nothing more than classifying things as “So over, very last year.” It’s safe to mention any of the items above that have already been brought up by others. As these have been accepted as cool.

– Get involved in a conversation about diet habits. You’ll soon be buried underneath so much, gluten-free, lactose intolerant bullshit that you’ll have no choice but to mock them, losing any footing you may have gained.

 Straight Up Geeks

These creatures may seem simple and non threatening, but if you want to infiltrate the system and schmooze like a pro, you may find them to be more complicated than first imagined.

Do:

-Work on your geek humour, a suitable joke to break the ice may be something like “A neutrino walks into a bar.  The neutrino asks ‘how much is a beer?’ The bartender says ‘for you, no charge!'”

– Insinuate that you think that an interest in computers and star trek is very sexy as you prefer brains over brawn.

– Take an interest in their geek hobbies. One question should be enough o get the ball rolling, soon you’ll be bored out of your mind and nodding and smiling along to a conversation about the Stargate series.

Don’t:

-Make fun of them. Even though you may just be joking and not intending to hurt anyone’s feelings, many geeks are super sensitive due to repeated bullying throughout their teenage years.

– Mix up which star show is which, mixing up Star Trek, Star Wars or Stargate may seem like nothing to you, but you’ll be lost forever in the eyes of the geek, do your research.

– Ask the when they’re moving out of their mother house. They’ll leave when they’re ready. Like when they turn 50.

Old School Academic Windbags

The Old School Academic Windbags can be one of the more tedious types of intellectual, well versed in dull topics and well prepared to share their thoughts on them in a long-winded manner. They aren’t necessarily old, they may just act that way. Private schools have been churning out these gems of human beings for decades. 

Do’s:

– Keep it simple, if you don’t know the exact meaning of a word, don’t use it. Nothing will give you away faster than using a word incorrectly or saying something that makes no sense in the context of a conversation. Attempting to give a compliment to someone by saying “My, what a redundant point you make” will not win you ny friends.

– Nod and parrot, Nodding and giving other non verbal cues whilst others are speaking will help the other person to feel engaged in the conversation. There is nothing worse than trying to talk to someone who is staring blankly at you, or worse distracted and glancing around the room or fidgeting. Parroting is a good way to contribute something to the conversation without having to know what you’re talking about for example “Wow, quantum state and quantum observable really are radically different from those used in previous models of physical reality. Do go on”  This should be all the encouragement the intellectual windbag needs to bend your ear on a topic that is neither interesting, nor comprehensible.

– Flatter the ego, chances are Professor Self Involved’s favourite topic is himself. If you feed the massive ego of these old school intellectuals you’ll find they may well grow to enjoy your company, and of course if they respect your opinion of them, how could they choose not to respect your opinion on other things?

Don’ts:

– Never give a direct answer on a topic you know nothing about. If you find yourself out of your intellectual depth in a conversation, start throwing up smoke screens, give non-committal answers and attempt to direct the conversation to a safer area.

– Question the other person’s knowledge on a topic, even if you are pretty sure they are wrong. The other person will shift into defensive mode and protect themselves with all the ammo they’ve got.  “All too often, academic departments defend their territory with the passion of cornered animals, though with far less justification. ” (Bruce Jackson)

So that’s it, good luck out there folks.