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What Does Your Facebook Profile Picture Say About You?

Facebook is a great way to express yourself. It’s a great way to make new friends and connect with old friends (and rub your awesome life in their faces) Facebook is a useful tool indeed, but have you ever stopped to think about how you may be coming across? What first impressions you may be making? Something as simple as your profile picture can speak volumes about you. Lets have a look at some different types of Facebook profile photos and see how they come across to other people.


The Duck-face

The duck face is a well documented phenomenon, seemingly sane and normal human beings will be smiling away with their natural beautiful smiles until… The camera comes out. The minute the humans with their fragile egos and false bravado see that camera they all suddenly begin to make and identical face. They purse their lips together and stick them out, they also widen their eyes to an unnatural level, they may also slightly tilt their heads. The result is a ridiculous caricature of a human face. So why do we do it? Because it looks sexy, duh!

The duck-face is an extremely common Facebook profile picture, but what is it saying about you?

Whenever I see this face, my first instinct is to think, get some confidence! Be proud of your face, work with what you got baby! Always present your best face to the world, and your duckface isn’t it. For more information on the duck-face epidemic visit Antiduckface.com.

The Myspace 

The MySpace shot is a self-portrait. This photo is taken by holding a camera at arms length above your head and looking up at the camera. This type of photo was made popular during the rise of MySpace and continues to be a Facebook standard, especially among teenage girls. This type of photo is used mainly by women because it is a good way to showcase your best features (eg. your eyes and hair) and it allows you to hide the parts of yourself you may be less willing to show off (eg your body.) This shot says to me “I’m 17 and this is the sexiest picture my parents will let me put online” There is no excuse to have this photo as an adult.

 The Arty shot

The arty shot is a good way to showcase your personality as well as your physical appearance, it’s a way to say “I am above the superficial need to look pretty, I am an intellectual.”  Popular amongst hip young urbanites in their twenties, the arty shot is a regular in Facebook profile shots. This type of profile picture comes in handy for one thing, keeping people like me away from you. The minute I see someone using a shot like this for their profile the pretentious warning bells start going off in my head. I can quickly see that this is the type of person that only drinks coffee that has “passed through” various rare animals and listens to avant-garde music. If you come across this type of person,  in the immortal words of Iron Maiden “Run for your life!”

The Inanimate Object

The inanimate object shot is a picture of anything, could be a car, could be a tree, but it ain’t you. These photos are popular because you can use them to show people things that you like, things that you might believe represent a part of your personality, or it might just be that you seriously don’t have any photos of yourself to upload (highly unlikely.) When I see these types of profile pictures, I generally think “come now sweetheart, show the world your pretty face” (imagine me saying that in a overprotective mother voice.) The inanimate object picture is an easy way to hide a face or a body you may be insecure about, but you shouldn’t be afraid. This is the internet baby! Let your freak flag fly!

The Group Shot

The group shot is a photo of you and your buddies, hanging out, being and looking fabulous. A very popular Facebook profile picture, because, come on! What’s cooler than your entourage? the use of the group shot can vary greatly, are you the party girl sticking her head in on the left there? Or are you the dude behind the umbrella who can’t be seen? People use the group shots for different reasons, either to stand out, or to fade into the background. I see the group shot as a nice way to show the world a bit about your life and your hobbies, however if you are the guy behind the umbrella, use a different picture.

The Joke Shot

The joke shot doesn’t have to be a photo, it could be text (as above.) It’s some hilarious and quick visual joke you can use to show the world what a crack up you are! Picture disabled because he’s too good-looking?! Hahahahaha! That is too much! That is genius comedy, that guy needs his own sitcom! People who use the joke shot are also the same kind of people who wear tee shirts with funny slogans (I lost my number, can I have yours? Hahahahahaha) These people are the worst people in the world. I would literally rather spend time with a conservative christian who doesn’t believe in evolution than hang out with the kind of person who thinks joke tee shirts are funny. Having said that the joke profile shot is a good way of identifying these people so that they can be avoided, so I encourage you to continue.  

The “Me As A Baby” Photo

 Aaaaaaw, how cute! you’ve used a picture of yourself as a baby for your profile picture! It’s even cuter because you’re not a baby! You’re an adult! Aaaaaaaaw.  This is an odd one, but I’ve seen it around more than once, fully grown adults using a picture of themselves as babies or children on their profile picture. Why? I think it’s a combination of things, partially I think it’s an ego thing. you’re so into yourself that you think other people will get enjoy your old photos as much as you do. I also think it may be a way to reclaim the glory days for some people, ah childhood, it was all downhill from there.


My Kids! My Husband!

If you’re married and/or have kids, chances are you’ve got a profile picture that reflects your status as a family man/woman.  Maybe you’ve got the photo from your wedding day, maybe it’s junior’s gap toothed smile, either way, you’re showing that you aren’t just an individual anymore, you’re part of a family unit. Photo’s like these may show that you are a loving mother/father/wife/husband, but try mixing it up every now and then. Don’t let your public image become two-dimensional. People will be more interested in a multi-faceted well-rounded human being than they will with “super mummy.”  

My pets!

Ok, the pet shot. This shot is similar to the kids shot, but much, much worse.  A lot of people use pictures of their beloved pets as a way to express their undying affection to the animal. If you’re using a  picture of your cat as your profile picture, it might be time to start thinking about having a baby. Don’t get me started on the people who make separate profiles for their pets, no I will not be friends with your dog!

The Drunk Shot

The drunk shot, one of the most popular choices for profile pictures amongst young people (and sad older people.) This photo is a way to show how much fun you are, and how much fun you’re having! You’re not a stuck up snob, or some nerdy loser. You’re cool, you’re awesome. Shots like these may seem awesome now, but consider how they may affect you later on in life, down the line when you’re applying for that high paying job with the conservative company, you may wish you had appeared less “awesome.”


Gather Round Children, It’s Time For A Lesson In Facebook Etiquette

In days gone by there were strict rules on how to conduct yourself in day-to-day life. There were rules on telephone etiquette, dinner etiquette, just about anything you could think of had strict social do’s and don’ts. These days we are left to our own devices and the results of this self-governing  are not always good.  Indulge me now, as I have come up with a simple social etiquette guide for Facebook.

Just because you’re in love, doesn’t mean we want to hear about it.

So you’ve met Mr/Miss right? Well congratulations my friend, we are all really happy for you. When you change that relationship status you can expect many well wishers to comment and express how happy they are for you. That’s lovely. If, however, you decide to bombard your friends with syrupy status updates about how much you “wuv” your little “Bubby” you should not be surprised when these well wishers start to disappear along with half of your friends list. Keep your pet names to yourself, and more importantly keep your physical relationship in the bedroom, there is nothing more off-putting than reading about other people’s sex lives on their status updates.


If you choose to write like an illiterate moron you will be treated as such. enough said.

Just because you’re not in love anymore doesn’t mean we want to hear about it.

So Mr/Miss Right turned out wrong, oh well, that sucks. It’s always a little embarrassing changing that relationship status knowing that plastered all over everyone’s news feed is “insert name is now single” well, unfortunately it happens, and the best thing you can do is suck it up, move on and handle the situation gracefully.  The worst thing you can do is trash your Ex in your status updates, no one needs to know that he’s “scum” or that he tried to sleep with your sister. That stuff is private, don’t put it into the public domain. Another common mistake people make is the over changing of the relationship status. If you’re in a relationship and you want to put that as your status, good for you. If you break up and you then want to change that status, ok, do it. What you shouldn’t do is change it hourly while you are in the midst of a fight with your partner, that just makes you look immature and irritates your friends.

Keep your squabbles to yourself.

Your best friend borrowed your favourite shirt and lost it? What a bitch, I’m with you, give that girl a slap. Your bro owes you money and he’s just bought himself a new watch? Show that jerk whose boss! What you shouldn’t do, if you value your dignity is write about it on Facebook. Those horrible status updates where you are writing about someone without mentioning names are the worst. They make you look petty and all they serve to do is get the gossiping girls talking. If you’re pissed off at a friend, call them, talk to them in person and express your annoyance, at the very least, send them an email. Don’t involve everyone else.

Keep it appropriate

If you’ve got your boss on your friends list maybe photos of you chugging beers aren’t the best idea. If your elderly relatives might be offended by some of your antics, either keep them to yourself or make them private from particular people.

Get over high school

There is nothing sadder than someone adding people on Facebook only to start harassing them about high school. Getting bullied in high school sucks, but you know what? That was a long time ago. Move on, chances are everyone else has and you’ll just make yourself look pathetic if you’re still holding on to old grudges.

Keep your clothes on

Does the world really need to see you slutting it up in your underwear? Probably not. Are you actually attractive enough to be exposing yourself in such a way? Honestly? Probably not. Keep your boudoir pics in the boudoir.

Stop poking me.

I’m over the poke people. I never really understood what it’s function was. If you poked me in real life I would find it annoying, if you cyber poke me I respond in the same way.

Be kind when you’re tagging photos

We’ve all done it, tagged people in photos that we would never like ourselves to be tagged in. Horrible drunken half closed eyes photos. Follow the golden rule here and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Be kind with your tagging, or others may not be kind to you.

Don’t be a sad sack, it’s dull.

I know your leg hurts, I know you’re not feeling well. I get that you’re sad and life generally sucks. If that’s all you write about however, if you start everyday by writing a complaining status update, you’re in danger of becoming extremely boring. Talk to a friend, talk to a doctor, call your mum, stop whinging on Facebook.

Follow these simple rules and keep your facebooking a fun and entertaining experience. Be good to each other my friends.

The lesson is finished. Please remain seated until the bell rings.